After I left you
by halbarath
Summary: Soubi's POV after he followed Seimei and abandoned Ritsuka. Slight song-fic in two parts, posted at the same time, that pestered me until it was written.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer : not mine. I don't own Loveless.**

 **Graveyard**

 _Nightmares return again,_

He had known Seimei would come back and claim him. It was only a matter of time. Oh, he had hoped, fool that he was, to be allowed to remain with Ritsuka a little longer, to enjoy his sweet kindness and loving touches. But he was no optimist. Nothing was ever his and never had his wishes ever been taken into account. There was no reason for a change.

 _There's no way to make amends._

But Ritsuka's tears had shattered his heart. He had never wanted to make him cry or to cause him pain but despite the name etched on his skin, he only seemed able to cause hurt and disappointment. Would he ever forgive him? How could he ever make amends for his tears? Nothing would ever be enough to atone for the scar he had inflicted on his youthful heart.

 _His heart and the battlefield_

He was angry at Seimei. Seimei who claimed to love his brother above all yet who had ripped him apart. He had faked his death, leaving Ritsuka alone with his mother, without memories, without protection from Septimal Moons, leaving behind a devastated child. He ordered him to take care of Ritsuka. And he had done it, with much more affection, more love than he ever thought possible. Only to come back and tear away the fabric of his lies to leave them both panting in hurt and despair.

He was a Fighter. He obeyed, every order, every whim of his Sacrifice. His whole life had only been a never-ending battle to survive, to prove himself worthy, to find his place, to reap some shreds of encouraging response, of gentleness. But eventually his life meant nothing outside of Spell Battles. Only Ritsuka had made it worth something. And Ritsuka was a battle he couldn't win. He couldn't even fight this battle.

 _Are alike, silent and empty._

Shut everything and everyone out. Shut Seimei out, Akame, Nakahira. He shut down. Seimei wanted him silent. He had nothing to say anyway. Nothing could accurately convey his hatred for Beloved. He had thought he hated Ritsu. It was nothing compared to the feeling Seimei evoked in him. Without Ritsuka nothing remained of the humanity he had unearthed in his otherwise closed mind and heart. Ritsuka was gone and he was void. Blank. An empty vessel for empty Battles for empty people. Nothing mattered anymore. He was empty again.

 _Burden of the Fallen_ _, Ensiferum._


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer : not mine.**

 **A/N : I'm sorry, I do not manage to get more lines between the paragraphs. I've tried everything I could think of and it's no use. I'm sorry, it's more difficult to read.**

 **"** **If you abandoned me, that'd be fine.** **"**

 _There's blood in the water_

Everything was about blood with Seimei.

Blood was dirty. It shouldn't sullied him. But for his Fighter, it was different.

Blood was on his skin when he had named him painfully.

Blood was on his neck when he had fought for Ritsuka.

Blood was in his mouth when he had to bite his tongue or cheeks to refrain from speaking up.

Blood was on his hands, he who had to defeat and hurt and kill and clean the mess afterwards. He could be bloodied since in Seimei's eyes, he was nothing more than a tool, a dirty one moreover.

Blood pouring from his heart, trampled by his master's cruelty as he made him abandon Ritsuka.

 _Won't you cut me down_

It would be alright if you abandoned me.

He didn't care anymore about loyalty and Units' code. He could be called a traitor and be looked down upon, even spat at if it meant staying with Ritsuka and making him smile again. But Seimei wouldn't let him go. No. Seimei would never depart from his toys and puppets. And the name wouldn't let him betray Seimei.

 _Cuz people keep on calling_

He had called him. Called after him. He knew Ritsuka. Ritsuka was crying. He knew he was. He heard him. Heard him as he called his name in the graveyard. Heard the call of his heart. Heard faintly, the call of Loveless. But he had no way to answer it. Because of the name, Seimei's call was stronger and smothered Ritsuka's.

 _[...] My hands are growing colder_

Another day. Another Battle. Another Unit. His heart was cold. His feelings were numb. His hands were bloodied. His soul was tainted: he had made Ritsuka cry.

 _Won't you cut me down_

 _Bobby Reid_ _, Lucette_


End file.
